my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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