Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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