The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
