Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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