Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
