If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
