Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
