yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
