i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Someone came in the potted fern
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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