if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
