Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
