things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
