I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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