Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
