I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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