pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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