Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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