We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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