In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
