I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
