who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
