I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
