Where are you?
In a non slutty way
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
