We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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