Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
