we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
