They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
