I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
