i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
