You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
