planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Are my feet made of real feet?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
