Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
