There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
