Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
