You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
