Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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