You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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