Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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