the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
