Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
