ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
