my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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