the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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