So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
