i may or may not be watching the land before time
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
