no, he came in my armpit
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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