Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
