Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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