There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am naked and annoyed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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