you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
