Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
