On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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