it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
