I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
