pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize