Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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