Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
