please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
