Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
