About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You are the jesus of drinking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
