I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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