Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
