he puts the penis in happiness.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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