she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
