You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
did i just pee glitter
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize