if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
