I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
