When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
