my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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