so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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