Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize