i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
