I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
