You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
